Malfoy, Muggles, and Maytag
by The Village Insomniac
Summary: Summary: What happens when Draco witnesses a murder? The Wizard Witness Protection Program, of course! Poor Draco! All those scary muggle appliances! Please R & R!
1. Wizard Witness Protection Program

Disclaimer: I don't own Draco Malfoy, Prof. Dumbledore, The Ministry of Magic, Malfoy Manor, Hogwarts, Narcissa Malfoy, Floo powder, or any of the other things you recognize. I do own the 'muggles' in this family, any plot this story seems to follow, and this story in general, so don't steal it without my permission.

Summary: What happens when Draco witnesses a murder? The Wizard Witness Protection Program, of course! Poor Draco! All those scary muggle appliances! Please R & R!

Author's Notes: I'm a LOT happier with this story than with the first one I submitted so it won't cut off right at chapter two like "As of Yet, Untitled" did. In fact, you're guaranteed at least three chapters, so don't worry. The first eensy littlebit iskinda morbid, but that's how it has to start off for this to all make sense.Other than thatit's going to be a pretty light fic so you don't have to worry about depression issues. I'm hoping to have a lot of funny situations in here so any suggestions would be appreciated. I can't wait to start writing the parts where Draco first experiences all the muggle machinery and such. XD Okay, I'll shut up now and let you read!

* * *

**Malfoy, Muggles, and Maytag:**

It was during the winter Holidays that Father killed her. I came down to dinner that evening to find my Mother dressed elegantly in a claret dress, sleeveless, with beads all down the bodice. Her hair was pinned tight against her head- showing off her graceful neck. I remember that her face was flushed and she seemed very nervous. The light from the crystal chandeliers sparkled on her jewels; glinted off her wedding ring as she raised her goblet for another swallow of wine. Father sneered at her, making snide remarks under his breath while she fluttered her way through the salad course.

He did not care that I lingered in the doorway this whole time, nor did he seem to notice me at all. The minutes ticked past on the grandfather clock and the music drifting eerily in the background seemed to have a bitterness to it, as if the violins weren't tuned quite right and the piano off key.

The tension seemed to escalate, Father growing increasingly more irritated with Mother's erratic movements, and me, standing frozen while the precious time slipped away. The ghostly servants brought out the main course and left without a word. Father continued to eat with his usual grace while Mother became more and more frantic like a bird trapped in a chimney. I bit my tongue to keep from crying out, knowing that it would only make things worse if it had any effect at all.

The next thing I know Mother, while sawing at her meat, has cut her finger and a single drop of blood wells up and splatters on the pristine white tablecloth. Father springs out of his chair, enraged. He pulls her up -roughly, so roughly!- and slams her against the wall. I can see the bruises form on her arms; so dark against the ivory pallor of her skin. Her frightened screams ring in my ears as Father moves in. The music has wended its way into a tinkling carnival melody, ironic to the last. He leans in, pressing his forearm, in its immaculately tailored suit jacket, against her throat. She closes her eyes as tightly as she can against the pressure and I can hear her straining for breath.

A house elf runs in, squeaks with terror, and runs out again. I can do nothing but watch helplessly as she struggles for a moment and then stops moving. Forever. He leans back, breathing heavily and looks down at his wife, who has slid down against the wall and slumped impossibly on the ground. Laughter, twisted and maniacal, spirals up into the domed ceiling and then chokes off into sobs.

The macabre carnival piano tinkles off its last notes as he crumples to the floor, clinging to her soulless shell. My eyes close and the last thing I feel is my body hitting the floor before I sink into the forgiving blackness.

I don't know how much later it is when they wake me, shaking me back into cruel reality, but it is still nighttime of the same day, unless the blackness outside the windows is mistaken. Headmaster Dumbledore is there, speaking kindly to me. I can't understand a word he's saying but he doesn't seem to care since I feel myself being lifted up. The old man is stronger than he looks. My eyes slip shut again as they load me into a Ministry car.

I'm lying on a disgustingly upholstered puce loveseat in what appears to be a small waiting room. I try to get my bearings but it's a difficult task with a headache the size of that awful Umbridge woman's arse attempting to beat its way out of my skull. "Why the bloody hell am I HERE of all places," I wonder aloud to my hideously wallpapered confinement room. I can't seem to recall anything from earlier this evening, beyond getting dressed for dinner and thinking I could really use some new ties.

The door opened and in walks in Dumbledore. Everything comes flooding back to me and I am floored once again, only this time the blackness doesn't come to save me. "Draco." He smiles sadly at me and waits while I pull myself up again. "I realise you've been through a lot this evening but I'm going to have to ask you to behave rationally for your own sake." I stare stupidly at him and wait for an explanation.

"After murdering your mother, I'm afraid your father took his own life as well." I smirk. So the puppet master has finally cut the strings. He continues to hold me with his pitying gaze and my expression changed to a frown. I cleared my throat and shook blonde locks out of my eyes.

"So what happens now?" He smiled and I squared my shoulders, wondering what my role was now that both of my parents were dead.

"The Wizard Witness Protection Agency has found a home for you until things blow over. You will be relocated to muggle Washington until things quiet down and you are able to manage your own affairs. I gape, open my mouth to speak, and gape again. At this point I realise all too well that I must look like a very well-bred fish right now. I pull my mouth shut again and glare indignantly at him.

"I won't live with muggles." He shrugged.

"I can't help you get over this, only you can help yourself at this point, but it is with your best interest in mind that the Agency has decided on this placement. You will leave first thing in the morning. Until then, I suggest you try and get some sleep; adjusting this quickly to anything can be quite exhausting." He gave me a bottle of what I believe was a sleeping potion and left the room.

Disgusted, I dropped it on a hideous end table and paced furiously around the room. I spent what felt like hours pacing about and lounging on various pieces of furniture. Stumbling back over to the loveseat and its odious puke-green throw pillows, I decided the only thing in the room I could bear to look at for more than a minute was the inside of my eyelids and uncorked the sleeping draught, knocking it back. I fell over onto the loveseat and lost myself to the shores of sleep.

The morning came all too soon, leaving me groggy-eyed and begging for more of the solace my sub-conscious offered me. Dumbledore walked in, greeting me cheerily and asking if I was ready. I looked at him incredulously and he shrugged, holding out a container of Floo powder.

Grudgingly I took a pinch and waited for further instruction. "Very well Draco, the address is #28290, 12th Street. Oh, and be sure not to mumble or who knows where you'll end up."

I walked into the fireplace, cleared my throat and spoke the address, disappearing in a swirl of green flame and ash. I squinted against the debris floating around me and found myself sprawled onto a black and white checkerboard tiled floor.

I coughed a few times, shook myself off and looked up into the curious faces of a - what do they call it? A gaggle? A murder? A flock?- of muggles. Dumbledore Apparated at my left side, holding a few suitcases filled with my possessions. He talked to the muggles for a few minutes and disapparated with a quick "See you next year, Mr. Malfoy" as the only indicator my life was now completely and utterly different from how it had been only yesterday.

* * *

End Author's Notes: So, what did ya think??? This was originally about twice as long but I cut it in half so I'll have two chapters up right away for ya and you can take it in nice, manageable sections. Any reviews will be vastly, ginormously, titanically, and infinitely appreciated so ANYTHING you happen to zip off will really brighten my day. Heck, I'll even accept flames. How can you refuse? Also, when you review, if you have any suggestions as to what kind of pairings there should be later on in the story (i.e. Draco and Kaitelyn, or Draco and some muggle he meets at school) I'd love to hear your ideas. Also, not that I plan to, but if I use something that you recognize from a different fic it's prolly cos I read it, forgot that's where I read it, thought it was one of my own brilliant ideas, and then used it. SO, I don't intend to steal anything like that, but if I do, and you know it, let me know and I'll fix it. Right, I'll go finish editing the next chappie! 


	2. The Grand Tour!

Disclaimer: See chapter one!   
A/N: You made it to chapter two! Congrats! I really hope you reviewed chapter one but since I'm posting this on the same day and I haven't gotten any reviews yet, I don't have any reviews to respond to! But I will do that next chapter, naturally. looks menacing Review, or else! Well, read on!

* * *

**Malfoy, Muggles, and Maytag: Chapter Two- _The Grand Tour!_**

I take a moment to review my situation before wandering any further into the state of Confusion. I'm stranded thousands of miles away from my homeland with no way of communication, my parents are dead, I'm not allowed to use magic, I have no money, and who knows how much these muggles can do to torture me in a year. Wonderful. I stood up, dusted myself off and readied myself for the worst day of my short life. A woman who didn't appear to be much over thirty but was clearly the authority figure here looked me over and nodded approvingly.

"Okay Kaitelyn, you can have a lock put on your door, love." Apparently 'Kaitelyn' was the scary-looking girl standing next to the woman since she grinned and pumped the air, shouting "YES!"

"Anyway, hello, and welcome to your new home. Your name is Draco, right?" I nodded cautiously and wondered how they would react if I pretended to only understand French. Too late now, I guess. "Well, I'm Jezza, that's Kaitelyn, obviously, and my other daughter is Alexx. You'll meet my husband Sebastian tonight. I'll take your bags up to your room, okay?" I held them out mutely while Alexx stared up at me, wide-eyed and Kaitelyn looked me over appraisingly. I blinked at them both and looked around, feigning interest.

Kaitelyn walked over to what I later learned was a 'coffee pot' and poured a mug of the black liquid. She dumped in a bunch of sugar and some cream and put it down on the table. Then, she grabbed a plate, walked over to the oven and slapped a few crepes on the aforementioned circular object. She rolled them up, chopped them into small pieces, covered them in whipped cream and topped that with chocolate sprinkles. She set the plate down on the table next to the coffee cup and shoved a fork in my hand. Giving me a light push toward the table she said, "Go, sit, eat. No one likes an evanescent string bean." I complied since my stomach would start rumbling any minute and that would be a sign of weakness, something I wasn't about to show to any muggles. Surprisingly, the crepes weren't bad and neither was the coffee.

Jezza came back from putting my bags in my room and grinned when she saw that Kaitelyn had fed me out of the 'goodness of her heart'. Alexx walked over to Jezza and looked up innocently. "Mommy, is Draco an angel?" Jezza started laughing her head off while I choked on the bite of crepe I was chewing.

Kaitelyn smirked when I reached for the coffee cup and tried to breathe simultaneously, causing me to start hacking even more violently. This was too much, much too early. Why must everyone be so insensitive? I swallowed, gulping down coffee and finally taking a deep breath. Alexx was trying to figure out why her 'Mommy' was laughing so hard at what she thought was a perfectly rational question.

Kaitelyn realised that Jezza wasn't going to stop her insane giggling anytime soon and bent down to Alexx's level. "No, 'Lexxie, Draco isn't an angel. Well, maybe a fallen one..." I wondered when this 'Sebastian' person was going to get home and whether he would be the sane one in this bunch of nutcases. Not bloody likely, but nevertheless, a guy can hope.

Jezza stood up from her position on the floor and caught her breath. "Are you done eating, Draco?" I nodded once and Kaitelyn wondered aloud

"Did they say he was mute or something like that?"

"I'm not mute. I just don't have anything to say."

"Ohhh...Okay. Well then, put those over by the sink and follow me."

"Why?"

"Because, those are dirty, and you have to follow me because I'm going to give you the grand tour. I know you're supposedly some spoiled, rich, pretty-boy, but in this house you're gonna have to follow orders like everyone else." Frowning once again, I got up and placed my dishes by the sink as commanded and walked over to where Kaitelyn was standing on the other side of the kitchen.


End file.
